Last week I reached the breaking point. I could no longer keep up my current pace with business, classes, meetings, the school garden, planning a family reunion, writing and normal daily activities. Something had to give. I’d like to say that I was so self-aware that I’d figured this out right away and handled it, but the reality is that often times it takes me a while to realize what is happening and instead I end up being in the middle of a full-blown stress storm, with my arms outstretched, fingers grasping for anything to slow things down, spinning ever faster until I have a breakdown. Then, and only then, will I realize that it’s time for me to take a step back and make changes.
In any case, in the midst of my breakdown, I found myself reading a post from Kayse Pratt titled “A Life of Rest {Embracing Rest : Day 5}”. Just the title alone made me laugh because the timing was spectacular. In this post Kayse talks about what a life of rest would look like. She’s not talking about lying around eating bon bons, instead she says:
A life of rest, I think, looks like your life, slowed down.
Your life, simplified.
It’s shedding the non-essentials and making the time for those things that truly are essential.
She continues:
It won’t be as easy as it sounds, no. Keeping your focus and shedding the rest will be painful and difficult. Going the opposite way of the fast-running crowd, well that will create some dissension.
What I’ve realized in the past few days, however, is that the dissension is not coming from others, as I’d expected, instead the dissension is coming from me. When I mentioned to others where I’ve been, what I’m doing and where I’m “at”. They haven’t scoffed, disagreed or argued whatsoever. They haven’t acted like my choice to cut things out is lazy or unreliable. No. They haven’t done that at all. Instead, they have been completely understanding and supportive, almost as if they were thinking, “You finally figured it out!”. What I realized through this process is that it was me, keeping me in that place. I’m the one who thought I was being lazy if I needed a break. I’m the one who felt like I was not following through on a commitment if I took a step back from planning. I was the one who thought I was being unreliable if I changed my mind or acknowledged that I had just taken on too much. I realized that the only one preventing me from keeping the balance in my life, was me.
Please accept my apologies for the tardiness of “K”. It’s late because I seeking balance in my life. A balance I hope to regain and to retain going forward.
Kate
Walnuts n Pears 