Archive for ‘Mindful Living’

September 22, 2011

A sigh of relief

“How’s Darby?” “What time is it?”  I opened my eyes to look at the clock. 6:58.  I’d overslept. Three and a half hours until the MRI. “Please, God, let it be a disc (and not Cancer).” “I hope she knows I love her.” “I hope she’s not in pain right now.”  “She’s in good hands, they’re taking care of her.”  “She’ll be fine.”  “They said they’d call you after the MRI.”  “Just relax.”

Darby stayed over night at the hospital last night so they could keep her pain under control.  She went in for her MRI this morning at 10:30.  As Anna told me would happen, I got a call from the Doctor around 11:00 confirming that Darby did in fact have a slipped disc and in her words “It’s pretty impressive.”  She said she is amazed Darby is doing as well as she is.  They were taking her directly into surgery and I should hear in about two and a half to three hours as to how it went.  Like clockwork,  about 3 hours later I got another call.  She was in recovery and doing well.  They had cleaned everything out and released the pressure but had also found blood.  She said that something had caused it to hemorrhage within the past day or so which is most likely why things had changed for the worse.  But it’s done.  All clean, looks good and the surgery went well.

Darby will be hanging out at the hospital a couple more days. She’ll be under 24 hour observation to monitor her pain and progress and begin her recovery.  The Doctor said that she needs to show signs of improvement and start taking “baby steps” before she’ll be able to come home.  Once home it will be weeks before she’ll be walking again and months before she’s totally healed.

So we have a long road ahead of us, but at last I can breathe a sigh of relief.  We’ve made it over the first hurdle.  Atta girl!

Kate

September 22, 2011

An angel in disguise

I’ve been waiting to post anything about, well, anything the past couple of days because my heart hasn’t been into landscaping, gardening or anything else because I’ve been completely focused on Darby.

The past 48 hours have been trying to say the least. Emotionally I’ve hit some pretty low lows and shed many, many tears.  Per the recommendation of our regular vet we took Darby to Veterinary Neurology at the U of M on Tuesday.  The Doctor changed her medications a little and wanted us to take her home and observe her for a few more days to see if she would begin to heal on her own.  If she didn’t begin to show signs of improvement or began to getting worse we were advised to bring her back.  In a little over 24 hours after her initial visit to the U of M she had lost all use of her back legs as well as control over her bodily functions and her pain had gone up significantly.  I spent the majority of the afternoon cleaning her up, changing kennel pads and trying to make her comfortable.  By early evening it was evident I couldn’t do any more to help her.  She was in so much pain, moaning with every movement and I’d already given her the maximum dose of her pain meds with hours left to go before I could give her more.   Not wanting to move her another time to return her to her kennel, I sat on the floor petting and trying to comfort her.  I called the U of M.  I spoke with Anna, one of the people we’d seen the day before (and who I think is an angel in disguise) and described what was going on.  She told me to bring Darby in and they would care for her overnight until they could get her in for an MRI.  My chest instantly felt lighter.  Thankfully my mom was visiting at the time and could be a more rational and composed driver than I could be so she took my son, Darby and I over to the hospital.  As I was carrying Darby up the walkway I mentioned to my son that he would need to open the doors for me.  Just as he went to reach for the button the doors opened.  Again, my heart was lifted.  Knowing full well that there is a button behind the desk to open them and that the doors are glass, just like any other door, it seriously felt like the doors to heaven were being opened for me.  Inside the doors Anna stood waiting for us.  Maybe it was relief, maybe it was the tears clouding my vision, maybe it was the lighting, but when she stood there in front of me with her arms open wide, a gentle smile on her face and compassion in her eyes, I saw a halo.  Not a shiny gold hoop or fluffy feather headband thing on her head, but a soft glow surrounding her whole body.  She took Darby ever so gently from my arms and brought her in back so they could make her comfortable as fast as possible.  She laid the paperwork on the counter and said she would be back to go over it.  A weight had been lifted.  Never in my life have I put my trust in anyone so fast and I’m pretty sure I know the reason why.

I’m not a regular church-going girl but try to live my life and raise my son in a faithful way.  Many who know me well also know that I’m not one to discuss religion or my beliefs very openly so this may come as a little out of character for me.  I’ve met many people in my life, some of whom are family or friends, some are just people I’ve met in passing, who profess to be believers of one God or another, claim to be a Christian, a Mormon, or whatever it may be then turn around and behave in selfish, hurtful or less than Christ-like manner.

Never in my life have I had an experience like I did yesterday.  Anna, didn’t need to tell me who she believes in or what she believes, her behavior said it all.  Her compassion and caring for lives other than her own was incredible.  The weight she lifted off of my shoulders and the love and compassion I felt from her was more powerful than any mass or service I’ve ever attended and more sincere than I’ve been given by some people I’ve known most of my life.  Anna was just doing her job, but her presence and God’s presence within her was amazing.  I’ve never felt closer to God than I did yesterday.

I hope that some day I can repay her, maybe not in a direct sense, but by paying it forward.  Hanging onto that feeling I got from her, remembering how that felt and sharing that gift of unconditional love and compassion with the people I meet.  Anna impacted my life.  I hope to do the same for others.

Kate

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September 13, 2011

Time for an evolution

There are times in life where whether you think you’re ready or not, life pushes you forward.  This is one of those times for me.

Not quite a year ago I made a pretty significant job change.  I switched out of an industry I love into completely unfamiliar territory.  What was the draw? I’d been offered a job working with an old flame of mine.  Foreign language. (German to be specific).  Although I was scared to make the jump, I knew I needed to do it.  I’d gone as far as I could where I was and knew I had to give myself a chance at something new.  I took the leap and landed in, well, muck.  I was now standing in an industry that was completely foreign to me, focusing on customers that speak a language I once knew much better than I do now, barely knowing which end was up.  It was exciting at first, but still my heart and feet felt heavy.  Not only did I need to learn the new industry, its players and its lingo, but I also needed to figure out how the heck to translate all of it in German!  It’s one thing to talk about where you’ve been, what you’ve seen and how to order a beer in a foreign language, but it’s an entirely different gig to speak business lingo regarding something you just learned in your native tongue the day before.  Amazingly enough I came to understand the new industry and the cobwebs started to come off and my German vocabulary was growing.  I was even communicating with my German customers entirely “auf Deutsch”. But life isn’t a fairy tale.  I didn’t love it.  I loved the German part, but I was in Sales and really missed the creative side of what I used to do (Marketing) in an industry I loved (Landscaping).  So, a couple of months ago, I made another change.  After straddling the fence for a little while between Marketing and Sales, I eventually made the shift into Marketing.  Ahhh, that felt better!  Although I was missing the German interaction, the creative juices started flowing again and my spirit started lifting.  You might think the story would end here but it doesn’t.  (This is where that push from life comes in.)  About a week ago circumstances changed again and my Marketing role has been scaled back to a part-time deal.  At first I wasn’t sure what I would do, then a little voice inside me said – “let go of the safety net and go for it”.

That brings me to today. Rather than pursuing a second part-time or a full-time gig for someone else, I decided that I’m going to trust in myself and start free-lancing again.  In addition to landscape and garden designs and consultations, my plan is to expand into marketing services such as web, blogging, photography, etc.  I’m not entirely sure at this point what it’s going to look like or where it’s going to take me, but honestly, I’m extremely excited about this new opportunity I’ve accepted and look forward to working with and for myself.

I have a lot work ahead of me but expect to see a new website (or two), far more frequent postings from Walnuts & Pears and who knows what else.

So there you have it.  The beginning of another evolution.

See ya tomorrow!

Kate

August 12, 2011

Mother of a Butterfly

For the past few weeks we’ve been caring for another life our house.

It all started on Monday a few weeks ago.  My son brought home his harvest from his children’s garden at the Arboretum.  As he was showing me all the vegetables and flowers he’d harvested, he spotted a caterpillar.  It was crawling on one piece of the vast amounts of dill he’d brought home.  How he spotted it, I’ll never know.

We decided to keep it.  We transferred the caterpillar, along with a few pieces of dill, into a little cup.  He covered the cup with plastic and poked a few air holes in it.

Caterpillar in a cup - for perspective

We continued feeding it fresh dill and cleaning its home daily (we learned caterpillars poop a lot) and literally watched it grow before our eyes.

Caterpillar, dill (and poop)

Having never kept a caterpillar for more than a couple of days, we found the entire transformation absolutely fascinating.  At first it was pretty small and didn’t have a lot of color, but after shedding a couple of layers of skin its color became more and more vivid.  It’s black body had cream-colored spots and bright green stripes.

After less than a week the caterpillar outgrew its little cup so we transferred it to a butterfly/bug box my son had gotten when he was younger.  In its new home the caterpillar continued to dine on its daily buffet of fresh dill until one day, about a week ago, it just stopped.  It stopped eating, it stopped moving.  It scrunched itself up and only moved if we (unintentionally) startled it and at that, it would only flinch.

Preparing to cocoon

After a day or so, it formed its cocoon/chrysalis and there it stayed, attached to the upper part of the butterfly box, for at least another week.

Cocoon/chrysalis

This morning, as I was reaching for a cup of coffee, my son screamed. I jumped, my coffee starting doing acrobatics in the air and amazingly enough, every drop landed back in my cup.  When I turned to see what he was screaming about, he was pointing to the butterfly box, shouting “Mom, look!  Look!  I knew it!  I knew it would be a butterfly!”  And so it was.  Black, light spots, trademark tail.  We’d guessed right.  Our caterpillar was a swallowtail.  At first he was disappointed. “Mom, it doesn’t have the blue like we thought it would.”  We’d spent a little time, looking at pictures of swallowtail caterpillars and butterflies on the web, so he had in his mind what it would look like.  It wasn’t there, yet.  I reminded him that it takes a little while for the color to fully develop on their wings.

Newly emerged Black Swallowtail butterfly

After admiring our butterfly in the kitchen for a little bit, we decided it was time to release “him” (we found out later “he” was actually a “she).  So, outside we went, searching for a good spot.  We tried a little zinnia my son had grown from seed but it seemed a little too small.  We then contemplated between milkweed and a few other flowers.  At last my son decided on the phlox.  We gently transferred him, then headed inside to finish “getting ready”.

Black Swallowtail on phlox

About an hour later I thought I’d check up on our butterfly and see if he’d flown away yet.  I peeked out the window but couldn’t see him.  I decided to go out and look. I found him, not on the phlox, but on the ground fluttering around.  My heart sunk.  Oh, no!  I’d seen the neighbors cat in our yard earlier, I was fearing our butterfly had been used as a kitty toy.  I gently eased him onto my finger. He appeared to be untouched.  I tried to transfer him onto some plants but he didn’t want to go. He kept turning around and walking up my finger and onto my hand.  Finally, I transferred him.  This time to one of the milkweed leaves.  Periodically I would look out the window and see him, still clinging to the milkweed.

Black Swallowtail on milkweed

Later, I peeked out again and didn’t see him.  Again, I went out to find him on the ground. Crap! Did we do something wrong?  Did his wings not grow properly?  What happened?  I eased him onto my finger again, checking him over.  Everything looked okay.  The body of the butterfly was shaking, it had been all morning. My son had noticed the shaking early in the morning and asked me why it was doing that.  I had no idea, I’d assumed it was like a colt standing on shaky legs for the first time.  Maybe he needed nectar? A little sugar to give him the energy to fly.  I set him on the phlox again where his tongue could easily reach for food.  He didn’t eat.

Black Swallowtail on phlox... again

I got distracted (as I often do).  I saw a bee in another phlox and since I just happened to have my camera on me, I started taking pictures.  When I turned back, the butterfly was gone.  I searched the ground fearing I’d bumped him and knocked him off the flower inadvertently.  He was nowhere to be found.  That’s good, right? He was gone. He must have flown away.  Good for him.  Sort of.  I have to admit, as silly as it sounds, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to see him take off.  It felt kind of like your child leaving without saying goodbye. I know, I know… It’s just a butterfly.  But still.

Since the weather is so beautiful this week, I’ve been trying to take advantage of it and get outside as much as possible.  I decided to have my lunch outside today (in hopes I might see our butterfly again).  It just so happened that as I was just about to sit down, out of the corner of my eye, I saw fluttering!  I glanced up to see our butterfly – black with beautiful blue and splashes of orange. He fluttered by, sat on my son’s zinnia just for a minute, flapped his wings, then was gone.

That’s what I needed.  I just wanted to know that he was okay.  I smiled.  A proud mom… of a butterfly.

Kate